Thursday, March 3, 2016

Rambles

I feel bad today. I can usually play a show of confidence but today I cried in a corner of the school for an hour. Not really about anything in particular. Life's been getting under my skin. Not gonna get into too much detail. I'm honestly so tired I'm not creative enough to write anything abstract so I'll just write about my life for a bit. I got into a relationship with a girl I've been interested in for about 4-5 years. I was in the friend-zone for a bit. (It's real and it's a bitch) but I eventually stopped talking to her and wouldn't you know it now I've got myself into a 8 month relationship and going strong.
My dad's leaving. He told me a few days before he left. I know it's my fault that he's leaving but I can't stop him. My mom didn't like my girlfriend. She constantly accused her of being like my dad and stepmom. Two people who I really have no big problem with. I've been working on a story. I think it's good. Really long though. About a detective who fights space. Umm.. I've been taking antibiotics and they make me kinda sick. I love my little brother so much. Him and girlfriend are such fantastic people. My mom was helping me work on college the entire night so I felt bad when I called her "delusional" after she accused me of something I didn't do. I love my family. But sometimes they make me wanna cry. A lot of people say the root of many psychological disorders are at the base of the mother. I suppose being a mom is a "thankless job." As she said. I really do honestly believe I'm a terrible son. Great person. Terrible son. It makes me sad. Why do I even bother when I know I'm not good enough? I try to be respectful and kind and I am but I also believe that I've made my family's life worse just by being around. I'm not suicidal. At all, as a matter of fact. I think all teens go through the same problems. Is there a god up there because I know I'm going to heaven. The sucky thing is that I'd feel like I didn't deserve it. No, I'm not really good or bad. I'm just me. And I wish I was just something a little more than what I really am right now. I never look at myself in the mirror. 

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